I haven’t written anything in a minute, honestly I’ve been selfishly engrossed in being a teenager again, “working” on my bike, blasting the tollways of DFW, screaming for dopamine and adrenaline as my tailpipe screams at the gods (they are still high asf).
I hide my pain from you,
not because I am ashamed of it,
but because it is my pain.
What I show you is the sunlight and hope,
the strength, the fight, the courage.
But the pain is there,
a reminder that I am still alive.
I still matter in a world
that’s swallowing us all whole.
It hums under the surface,
like a buried wire sparking in the dark.
It doesn’t beg for rescue.
It wants silence.
It wants blood.
You see the light
because I refuse to hand you the shadow.
But don’t confuse my brightness for absence of storm,
I just learned to carry the thunder
without letting it shake the glass.
I am sunlight and fire.
I burn quietly.
And I burn for real.
Honestly for me it’s down the wire, coming to a close in this chapter. I hope the medicine and chemo work, if they don’t okay, regroup and off to Asia where I belong. Thank you all for your kind words, support, and engagement it’s made a lonely hard life very easy. I am forever in love with the kindness of this world, we just need more…
Read this on Substack where it first appeared — if you’re into that sort of thing.
